Why is it that we tend to focus on the negative instead of the positive? This appears to be a universal problem. Television comedies often take a main character and send him/her on an obsessive mission to change one negative opinion. Take the show Gilmore Girls, for example. On one episode, Sookie, a chef, receives a rave review, but, because her “magic risotto” is not praised beyond “good,” she develops a compulsive need to discover who the critic is and prove to him how amazing the risotto really is.
I am struggling with this same intense desire to prove myself to a specific, yet anonymous, individual. I recently entered a contest and received a great score. Out of three judges, two scored me very high, but one scored me very low. The low score was thrown out, yet I am hung up on that low score. Why? What is it in human nature that makes us obsess over where we’ve failed instead of basking in where we’ve succeeded?
Perhaps it’s our need for a savior. If we simply accepted our failures and only focused on our achievements, we’d never recognize a need for salvation. And, on a less spiritual plane, we’d never try to improve in other aspects of our lives if we never recognized room for improvement.
Now, we do need a balance. To let failure eat us up to the point of being unable to focus on anything other than our failures would be destructive. But never recognizing a need to change or improve would be equally destructive. So, I will strive to improve where there is collective agreement that I need to do better and I will let go of the desire to prove to one anonymous stranger that I can meet his/her standard. And a little chocolate might help too.
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