Ping-Pong Balls

Writer's Block. It hits every writer in one way or the other. Just last week I read on another writer's blog about her difficulties linking two scenes. So I know I'm in good company when I stare at my computer going, "What comes next?"

But this month, I've been participating in a program through ACFW called "Novel Track: Writing." I committed myself to meeting a word goal for the month and now I have no choice but to push through writer's block and not allow it to stop me for days at a time. "Must put words on paper" has become my mantra. This has helped a lot. I may hit a wall and need to stop for a while, but I keep thinking about what will happen next. While I run--"If he goes here and sees this person . . . "--while showering--"What if she tells him . . . "--while fixing dinner--"If he reacts by . . . " The next day when I sit down at the computer, I know what happens next. This race to meet a word count forces me not to sit back and wait for the ideas to catch me but to chase them down instead.

And, when I feel really stuck or need more ideas, I bounce ideas of my husband. For some reason, this idea of bouncing ideas off him has created an odd image in my mind. I visualize tossing ping-pong balls at his forehead. Now I've taken that image to imagining the ping-pong balls with questions or ideas written on them. Fortunately, we don't own any ping-pong balls, so my husband's forehead is safe. And sometimes, just the act of imagining the conversation, with ping-pong balls, helps me work through whatever block I'm dealing with.

Reminiscing

Just over a year ago I began the first Sarah Cameron book. Two events pushed me to finally put on paper the story I'd only told myself for so many years.

1. I went to see New Moon with a friend in December of 2009. We were talking before the movie about Stephenie Meyer and how she just started writing Twilight and look what had happened. We both said we had considered writing a book. That conversation motivated me to do more than say I wanted to write a book but to actually try. Now if only I could be as successful as Stephenie Meyer . . .

2. I'd read a few YA fiction books recently and the way they handled certain issues--such as dating, sex, etc--bothered me. From a worldly perspective, these books might have done a good job (though one still leaves me shaking my head), but I just felt that God's perspective on these issues was needed. I'm not saying there aren't already wonderful books by Christian authors dealing with these issues, but there needs to be more. So I started writing.

One year later, I'm still writing. Sarah Cameron is on an editor's desk getting reviewed and criticized so I can improve. I'm working on a new series. Publishing will hopefully come someday in the not so distant future, but either way, I'm having fun!

Never Give Up; Never Surrender!

I’ve chosen a motto for this year. “Never give up; never surrender!” from the movie Galaxy Quest. Whenever I need to strengthen my resolve, this runs through my head. I asked my friends on Facebook for some Bible verses that embodied this phrase. They included Joshua 1:9, Ecclesiastes 9:4, Galatians 6:9 and Revelations 2:10. The one I liked best came from Philippians 3:13: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” 

I get hung up on the past. Past mistakes, past criticisms. I can’t seem to let go, so I want to give up. But, if you want something badly enough, giving up cannot be an option. As this new year begins, I foresee many scary and exciting things on the horizon. A writers’ conference or two, asking people to rip my book to shreds so I can make it better (who volunteers for that?), submitting proposals, finishing new projects, and on and on. Some of these things intimidate me, but over and over again I will recite, “Never give up; never surrender!”

New Year's Resolutions

It’s that time of year again. New Year’s resolutions. Out of curiosity, I looked up the difference between a resolution and a goal. A resolution is “a firm decision to do or not to do something” and a goal is “an aim or desired result.” I prefer the idea of a goal. Deciding what to do is easy. Taking the steps to see results from that decision is harder.

So, for this year, here are my goals (in bullet form because I’ve been having trouble deciphering bullets lately and I need the practice):

• To finish the three book series I am currently working on before the Mount Hermon Writers’ Conference in mid-April. An ambitious goal since I am only about halfway through book one, but I am not including editing with this goal.
• To apply the editing recommendations after sending Sarah Cameron to an editing service.
• To submit, submit, submit Sarah Cameron after achieving previous goal.
• To read one book considered a classic each month.
• To read or re-read one professional book on writing each month.
• To do better at my daily Bible reading. Re: the daily part. (I suppose this is more of a resolution than a goal.)
• To run 20-30 miles per week minimum and run a second marathon some time this year.

I don’t know how successful I will be with all these goals, but I plan to try. Anyone else have goals they want to share?

Fighting Discouragement

Lately, I've been dealing with the feeling of discouragement. I have no external reasons to feel discouraged. No negative comments. No rejections. So this feeling is all in my head. Or, more accurately, this feeling is from Satan. And how is Satan having this success? Probably because I have not been discussing my writing future with the only one who will give me a writing future. Yep, my prayer life needs some work. Every Sunday my preacher brings up prayer in his sermon and I'm starting to think he might as well start pointing his finger at me

So I'm trying to fix my problem. With prayer, of course. And after twenty years of a relationship with God, why am I still surprised to find him listening? I know this may have been a coincidence, but later in the day, after I had asked God to help me fight this feeling that I should give up because Sarah Cameron fails because of xyz, I pulled up behind a truck at a stop sign. This truck had the usual Alaska bumper stickers, since it was in Alaska. One mentioned Palin and another said something about hunting. But one bumper sticker was somewhat out of place. It was a Chicago Cubs bumper sticker. Now Sarah Cameron lives in Illinois and she is a Chicago Cubs fan. So was it simply a coincidence that a truck in Alaska, with Alaska plates, should be in front of me with a bumper sticker for Sarah Cameron's favorite baseball team? Or is this one of God's red flags telling me that he hasn't forgotten about her and neither should I? Either way, no matter what my inner demons tell me, I am not giving up.

Dieting and Writing

Writing and dieting have a lot in common. Starting a diet usually brings changes for the immediate family. Old favorite dishes get low-fat make-overs, a certain food is present at every meal or an entire new menu is tested out. Friends and extended family who know of the dieting efforts will cheer and encourage. But the only person who truly cares about the diet is the dieter. And when Ben & Jerry start calling or a trip through the drive-thru sounds easier than cooking, giving up seems easy. After all, no one else will really care.

Writing often feels the same. Meals are affected (anyone else have all the delivery places on speed dial?), family and friends encourage, but when that wall looks too tall to scale or too thick the knock down, the only person who can push through is the writer.  Giving up won't matter to anyone else.

I've conquered dieting in the past, though lately I'm having some trouble. Can I blame the scale? And I'm working to stay on top of the writing. Some days, the easy way out is appealing. Who will really care if quit or don't follow through on getting Sarah Cameron published? But it all comes down to what I want and what I am willing to fight for. So whether it is resisting those Christmas cookies or pushing through the fear of failure, I'll keep fighting.

Looking Beyond the Negative

Why is it that we tend to focus on the negative instead of the positive? This appears to be a universal problem. Television comedies often take a main character and send him/her on an obsessive mission to change one negative opinion. Take the show Gilmore Girls, for example. On one episode, Sookie, a chef, receives a rave review, but, because her “magic risotto” is not praised beyond “good,” she develops a compulsive need to discover who the critic is and prove to him how amazing the risotto really is.

I am struggling with this same intense desire to prove myself to a specific, yet anonymous, individual. I recently entered a contest and received a great score. Out of three judges, two scored me very high, but one scored me very low. The low score was thrown out, yet I am hung up on that low score. Why? What is it in human nature that makes us obsess over where we’ve failed instead of basking in where we’ve succeeded?

Perhaps it’s our need for a savior. If we simply accepted our failures and only focused on our achievements, we’d never recognize a need for salvation. And, on a less spiritual plane, we’d never try to improve in other aspects of our lives if we never recognized room for improvement.

Now, we do need a balance. To let failure eat us up to the point of being unable to focus on anything other than our failures would be destructive. But never recognizing a need to change or improve would be equally destructive. So, I will strive to improve where there is collective agreement that I need to do better and I will let go of the desire to prove to one anonymous stranger that I can meet his/her standard. And a little chocolate might help too.

Faith

When I still lived under my parents’ roof, I had more faith in God. Before I entered the real world and became assaulted by things like bills and responsibilities, I trusted God to take care of things. Often, on Sundays, I discovered I had less than $5 to my name and I would have plans to go to the movies or do something else that required all the cash I had. So, I’d be faced with two choices. Keep all the money so I could have fun later, or put it in the collection plate and trust that God would take care of my fun plans. Usually, I’d drop it in the collection plate and God always came through. I might have to spend two hours mowing the lawn to earn the money, but he provided the opportunity.

Then I became an adult and I could no longer earn that extra five bucks by something as simple as mowing my own lawn. However, recently I’ve begun seeing God taking care of things if I simply trust in him without attempting to make things easier. One area is the ladies’ Bible study I host. A part of me wanted to be really selfish this year and quit hosting it. I wanted those four to five free hours to myself so I could have extra time to write. But I didn’t believe that’s what God wanted. So Bible Study is on the calendar for every Tuesday and oddly enough this fall, I’ve had more free Tuesdays than busy ones.

And other small events have cleared themselves up without my assistance. My husband unintentionally double booked me one day this week. He didn’t have a chance to reschedule and the appointment really needed to be taken care of. So, I figured I’d deal with it somehow. Except God took care of it first by canceling one of the conflicting appointments. Funny how that worked out.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Thankfulness

Yes, I'm taking the easy way out this week. With Thanksgiving being tomorrow, "what are you thankful for" is the theme for everyone, so I thought I'd chime in too.

God helped me accomplish goals this year that I thought were impossible. Almost two years ago, I started writing. I wrote the first part of a book whose working title was "Alex and Rachel." I had the book mapped out into five parts, but I didn't make it much past part one. I rewrote part one once, but then I drifted from the story for a while and my computer broke, leaving me unable to write for the rest of the year. And I thought I'd failed. I started a book and never finished it, which kind of felt like business as usual for me.

Then Sarah Cameron began tugging on my heart. She and her friends had been with me for almost eighteen years, but, when I began "Alex and Rachel," I'd felt too scared of failure to attempt starting the Sarah Cameron series. A year can change a lot, though. By the time Christmas 2009 came around, I was dying for a new computer and the chance to start writing again.

My wonderful husband bought me a Mac for Christmas that year, and a few days later I started writing. In secret. I didn't want to share what I was doing because, if I failed again, I didn't want anyone to know. But I didn't fail. The following May, I had two rough drafts on my computer and the Sarah Cameron series had begun.

God has taken my writing on a journey. "Alex and Rachel" wasn't a failure, but more like practice. A chance to work on my writing skills before starting the story that really mattered. Someday, I hope to finish "Alex and Rachel." Unfortunately, I saved the story in Microsoft Works and the file didn't transfer properly from my PC to my Mac. But that's okay because I love the act of writing and rewriting a story. I've learned a lot about writing this year. But what I've learned most is that I want to be an author more than anything and I am willing to work, to grow and to push myself out of my comfort zone to achieve that goal.

Time & Place

“And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)

Several times over the last few months I have read that fifteen to twenty years ago, the publishing world was very different. Editors and agents would find diamonds in the rough and work with them, helping authors with good stories improve their writing skills. But now, the market is so flooded that few even accept unsolicited manuscripts, much less offer assistance to would-be-writers with a compelling story. No, if one wishes to be published, both the story and the writing skills must be exceptional from page one. At times, this news depresses me. Why couldn’t I be living during a different time? A time when what I want would be easier to obtain?

“And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)

Esther was the Bible class topic at my church Sunday morning. The teacher looked at a person in the class (not me) and said that he had been born now, in this time instead of, say, 1852, for a reason. That made me think. God decided he had a plan for my adult life in the twenty-first century.  A purpose that I could not fulfill in the twentieth or nineteenth centuries. His plan for me may have nothing at all to do with writing or publishing, but I trust that he has a plan. And I hope I am carrying it out.

What is in a Name?

Shakespeare wrote, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” But, personally, I agree with Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables who says. “I don't believe a rose would be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.” This week I’ve been searching for the “right” name for a character. One that fits who he was and who he is. And, like one person said on Facebook, “Are we supposed to like this character, or not? I wouldn’t want to waste a good name.”

Now, I know when choosing a baby’s name, the parents aren’t giving the child a personality too. Chuckie can be the little kid in Rugrats or the creepy doll, though if you think of Chuckie as a creepy doll, you probably won’t call your baby that, right? And if the mean girl in high school was named Veronica, you might have trouble naming your baby Veronica, no matter how much your husband loves the name. Likewise, if you find out that Heather was the name of your husband’s ex-girlfriend, you probably wouldn’t name your child Heather, either, even if it was your favorite name for ten years.

So names are important. And difficult to choose--even with a baby naming app. When naming characters, I don’t want to confuse a reader with names too similar. But what happens if I have given two characters similar looking names and need to change a name? A character in future Sarah Cameron books has a name similar to a character in the first two. Oops. The future character had his name for about fifteen years, but I had to change it. Or change the minor character’s name in the first two books. Changing a character’s name is hard for me. Somehow, the character’s entire personality is wrapped up in those letters. Maybe that’s because the only visual one has of a written character is their name and it is the name that is required to conjure up an image in the imagination. So, changing a character’s name is as difficult for me as changing one of my children’s names. But, sometimes it has to be done.

If you happen to be a writer--or not a writer, but still have an opinion on the matter--how do you choose a name? I have tried the random feature of my baby naming app, but ended up with a strange name that I had never heard of nor could I pronounce. Not helpful. So how do you go about the naming of characters?

Rejection

I heard back from the agent I queried two weeks ago. Yes, like the post title says, the response was, "Sadly, your book project isn't quite what I'm looking for."

But guess what? I'm actually happy with that. Sure, a your-project-sounds-great-send-me-more-info would have been more exciting, but I didn't expect that from my first query. And, yeah, a part of me wants to shed a few tears, but, really, I'm happy about being acknowledged. I sent out a query. Someone read it and responded. I'm making progress. Now I can check "first rejection" off my Writer's Rites of Passage list, which means I'm one step closer to success.

Moving Forward

This week, I want to write something more upbeat. I've noticed that most of my posts are on the negative and insecure side, but I'm really not a glass-half-empty-person, I hope. So I'm going to try to come up with something positive this week.

I have decided to send my manuscript off to an editing agency. I've grappled with that idea for several weeks. After asking for the opinions of those more experienced, I concluded that it wouldn't hurt to get the help of a professional. I am blessed with a wonderful husband who sees this as a career investment and hopefully I will learn both my strengths and my weaknesses and end up with a better product.

I also entered a writing contest this week. The contest, called "Hook Me,"is put on by ACFW-Ohio. Writers enter the first 1,000 words of their manuscripts and a 300 word back cover blurb and the judges score how attention-grabbing it is. I am most looking forward to the feedback from the judges. Results should be determined by December 1st.

Also, unrelated to Sarah Cameron, I am developing one or two other stories. I am about halfway done with the development of the first. I'm having fun trying to do this next book the "right" way. Not that there is a right way, necessarily, but I'm trying more of an outline approach. In some ways, it's a little hard. I really want to get the characters out of my head. Having half a dozen people up there talking can be a distraction. But the development is also fun and I hope that the book will write faster and edit faster when I've taken the time to know where the story is going and how it's going to get there.

So there you go. I've put aside my fears this week and am moving forward. Next week, I hope I will have more progress to report on at least one of the three areas I mentioned this week.

Panic and Prayer

Over the last couple of weeks, I have faced many moments of panic. Okay, they’re not really moments so much as hours or days of tension and terror. What if I go through every resource on my list and no one wants this book? What if I can do something better, but no one ever tells me what that is? Should I invest in editing? Should I invest in a consultation? 

These questions and more race through my head for days at a time, often leaving me wanting to curl up in bed, with the sheets over my head, hiding from the world. Just give up, I think. Will this be worth all the effort if I fail to get this book published?

Then, I remember to pray. Lord, please guide me through this process. Give me faith in your plan, whatever that may be. Even if it is not success in the way I define it. And I feel a sense of calm and wonder why I didn’t pray sooner.

But, suddenly, I think, What if Satan’s just giving me a false peace? And panic sets in again.

*Sigh* Maybe I should take up knitting.

Do They Like ME or My Book?

One big no-no when querying agents/publishers/editors is to let them know how much people love your book.  Why?  Because friends and family like you.  Maybe they don't want to hurt your feelings with the truth or they may not know good writing.  So I, of course, wonder if the positive responses I have received are a reflection of how much I am loved or if they really do like the story.  Here are the clues I've put together to lift my self-esteem when I question the honesty of my readers.  (Note:  None of these readers are related to me and two are almost complete strangers.)

1.  One girl read the manuscript through twice.

2.  Another girl saw me carrying a binder and eagerly asked, "Is that book 3?"  (To which I responded, "Nope.  Not until I get a publisher.")

3.  A person completely outside of the intended demographic read through book two in one day.

4.  A boy (again, not the intended demographic) read the manuscript.  Sure, he was out of books to read, but he finished even after getting new books in his preferred genre.

5.  Last week at church, a friend said he'd talked with his sister and she wanted to know if I had any more books that he could bring when he came down to visit.

More people have read the book than the five listed and all have had positive things to say about it.  And only three readers took more than three weeks to finish.  So, when my self-confidence is down, I can look at this list and think, "Maybe it's not just me they like."

"Send"

Wanted to tell everybody who reads these posts (all three of you), that I just hit "send."  The first query letter is off to the Living Word Literary Agency.  Thank you all for your prayers and support.  I'll let you know if I hear anything and I'll have a new post up on Wednesday.

Timelines

I spent four months writing the book.  I spent another four months editing the book.  So should I really be surprised if it takes me four months to create a query letter and proposal?  Preparing the manuscript should be the hard part.  Guess what?  Writing a book is actually the EASY part.  Preparing an attention grabbing query is a whole lot harder.  How am I supposed to condense a 70,000+ manuscript into a concise, entertaining 1,000 words or less?

And I'm not just selling the story.  I have to prove that my book is better than the competition and that I can market myself and the book.  But I have to do all of this in one to three pages, depending on the requirements for each individual publisher or agency.  I guess this is what weeds out the willing-to-work-hard writers from the if-so-and-so-can-do-it-so-can-I writers.

So I am writing summaries and synopses trying to find the best angle.  Then I'm hitting up people who haven't read any of the manuscripts to give their opinions.  Is it interesting?  Confusing?  Make you want to read more?  However, if my timeline is correct, I have another two-and-a-half months before I will be finished.  Whatever it takes, though, because I want to be one of those willing-to-work-hard writers.

Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?

Everyone knows that if you ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?" what you want to hear is, "No, you look great."  This is the same when asking people to read and share their opinions on your book.  You tell them to tell you what they think, but, secretly, you hope they will tell you, "Wow!  That was absolutely amazing!"  Of course, the closest friends, who truly love you, will let you know if that dress does, indeed, make you look fat.

Before I passed out the first copies of my book to friends, acquaintances and total strangers for their opinions, I spent a lot of time in prayer.  Everyday I begged God for all my readers to be honest.  I wanted to make my book the best it could be, and I knew that if everyone simply said, "it's absolutely amazing," I would be missing out on the opportunity for improvement.  And, if this was something I really wanted--and publishing this book is something I really, really, really want--I had to be willing to hear and accept negative comments and then be willing to do something about it.

I was also scared that I might be upset with people for being honest, because no one likes to hear, "yeah, you look fat."  So I begged God to give me the strength to still love people when they're honest.  And the truth is, I didn't cry over one negative comment.  And every single one of them made my book better.  The second person to finish the book--who came as a real surprise--handed it back and said, "I liked it, but the last chapter lacked something."  He was completely right.  In fact, I had felt the same way when I finished it.  It just fell a little flat.  Of course, if he hadn't been willing to say, "this could be better," I would have left it the way it was.  Instead, I spend two days rewriting the chapter and now the ending is much more satisfying.

So, as I prepare my first book proposal, I'm approaching the possibility (okay, the reality) of being rejected with the same attitude.  Lord, please give me the strength to handle not being accepted, to use the criticism to make my book better, and to become a better writer and person because of it.  (And please, please, please let me get published!)

Who is Sarah Cameron?

Sarah Cameron is the thirteen-year old girl who narrates the two books I've written.  I created her character when I was eleven.  My family had just moved to a little town outside Springfield, IL, so perhaps I created Sarah that summer to stave off boredom.  I spent hours riding my bike in circles around the cul-de-sac dreaming up the adventures and drama of Sarah, a rich girl who loved basketball more than designer clothes, and her best-friend-turned-boyfriend, Chris, the son of Sarah's parents' gardener and housekeeper.  They were my imaginary friends, keeping me entertained while we all grew up together--Sarah and Chris in their world, and me in mine.

Eighteen years later, I decided to commit those stories to paper, or rather the computer.  Sarah had finally grown up and matured enough to be ready for the world.  Or, maybe I was the one who matured.  Either way, I've decided to share her with the world.  My deepest wish is that everyone will have the opportunity to get to know her and love her, too.

Not Quite Good Enough

I've never had a blog before.  I don't even have a facebook or twitter account.  I just know they would suck up tons of time on the computer that would be better spent playing solitaire.  Oops, I mean writing.  But after ten months, the book is finished, edited and ready for the world.  I think.  Except that paragraph would sound better if I changed it to....  

Okay, I know I could spend the rest of my life making my book better, though there's probably a fine line between better and a million times worse, and I don't want to never take the next step because I'm scared that it's just not quite good enough.  But the truth is, I am scared.  Scared that I wasted ten months of my life on creating something that no one besides a few close friends and family will ever read.  Scared that the professional world will reject me.  Scared that I'm not quite good enough.  But aren't we all?  Somewhere, with someone, we're all a little scared we won't measure up.  Maybe my book will never be published, but if I give into my fear, haven't I already failed?  So I'm trying.  And even if I get reject twenty times, or one hundred times, all I really need is to be accepted by one.  And that one is worth facing all my fears.  So I'm marching forward, and if the only thing I succeed at is not giving into my fears, then that will be good enough.